She said her name was "party"
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
