I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
