Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
