Cold hands, warm shart.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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