i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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