I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.