Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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