Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
