I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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