9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
