I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
