I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
PANTIES FOUND
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
