i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
