Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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