Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
True strength comes from lack of pants
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
