Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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