Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
