Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
