I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
