..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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