A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I supernannyed him into submission
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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