im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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