I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
