Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
