Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
