Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
