Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize