i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
there is glitter all over my balls
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