No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
