We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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