Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
