I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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