Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
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We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
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I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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