A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize