I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Michael Bay diarrhea
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
