get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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