Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
