I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
