This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
