She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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