i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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