I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
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Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
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I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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