whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
