mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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