So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
