sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
