Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
