If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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