hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
