i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
