I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
