yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize