I think my vagina is haunted
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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