I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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