I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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