Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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