I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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