I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
