Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
