he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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