When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
